What to Do If Your Parent Has Dementia

Dementia is not a specific disease but a general term for declining cognitive abilities severe enough to interfere with daily life. Alzheimer's disease accounts for most cases (60-80%), but vascular dementia, Lewy body dementia, and frontotemporal disorders also occur frequently.

Each type of dementia presents differently, but common symptoms include memory loss, communication difficulties, impaired judgment, and personality changes.

Understanding your parents' specific diagnosis helps you prepare for what's ahead and recognize which symptoms are part of the disease rather than within your parents' control.

Get a Professional Medical Evaluation

When you notice memory problems or cognitive changes in your parent, don't wait to seek help. Schedule an appointment with their primary care doctor, who may refer them to a specialist such as a neurologist, geriatrician, or geriatric psychiatrist.

A comprehensive evaluation typically includes a medical history review, physical examination, cognitive tests, and often brain imaging. Early diagnosis matters because it:

• Allows access to treatments that work best in the early stages
• Provides time to plan for future care needs
• Helps rule out reversible conditions that mimic dementia

Medicare Part B covers cognitive assessments during annual wellness visits, and most private insurers cover diagnostic evaluations, though coverage details vary by plan.

Prepare for Resistance to the Diagnosis

Many people with dementia don't recognize their condition due to anosognosia—lack of awareness, which is a symptom of the disease itself. When your parent doesn't acknowledge their diagnosis:

• Focus on addressing specific challenges rather than convincing them of their condition. Instead of saying "You can't drive anymore because you have dementia," try "Let's arrange for transportation so you don't have to worry about driving."
• Avoid arguments and instead validate feelings while redirecting to solutions.
• Work with healthcare providers on communication strategies that respect your parents' dignity while ensuring safety.

Create a Safe Living Environment

Safety becomes increasingly important as dementia progresses. Walk through your parents' home with these considerations in mind:

• Reduce fall risks by removing clutter, securing rugs, and installing grab bars in bathrooms.
• Address kitchen safety with automatic shut-off devices for stoves and consider removing knobs during later stages. Install door alarms or monitoring systems to prevent wandering, especially at night.
• A home safety evaluation from an occupational therapist can identify specific risks and solutions for your parent's unique situation.

Many of these modifications can be implemented gradually as needs change.

Navigate Dementia Behaviors Effectively

As dementia progresses, your parent may exhibit behaviors like agitation, aggression, or wandering. These behaviors are caused by the disease, not intentional defiance, and often indicate unmet needs or discomfort.

When challenging behaviors occur, first check for physical causes like pain, hunger, or the need for the bathroom. Create a calm environment by reducing noise and distractions. Maintain consistent daily routines to reduce confusion and anxiety.

Use simple, clear communication with one question or instruction at a time. Avoid correcting mistakes or arguing about misremembered facts, as this often increases frustration.

The Alzheimer's Association offers behavior management workshops that teach specific techniques for common challenges. Many families find that professional guidance significantly reduces stress and improves quality of life for everyone involved.

Engage in Meaningful Activities Together

Despite cognitive changes, your parent can still enjoy and benefit from many activities. Focus on abilities rather than limitations by adapting favorite hobbies or introducing new ones that match current capabilities.

Simple activities like looking through photo albums, listening to favorite music, or taking short walks provide a connection without overwhelming processing demands.

Even in later stages, sensory experiences like hand massage, familiar scents, or favorite foods can bring comfort.

A study found that regular engagement in personalized activities improved mood and reduced agitation in people with dementia, regardless of disease stage.

Assess Driving Safety

Driving requires quick decisions, good judgment, and reliable memory—all affected by dementia.

Start by observing your parents' driving for concerning signs like getting lost on familiar routes, confusing pedals, or making poor judgments at intersections.

Schedule a formal driving assessment through a driving rehabilitation specialist or occupational therapist who specializes in older adult evaluations.

If driving must stop, consider arranging transportation alternatives in advance. Many communities offer senior transportation services, and ride-sharing apps have developed senior-friendly options.

Presenting these as convenient rather than compensatory helps ease the transition.

Organize Financial and Legal Matters

While your parent can still participate in decisions, prioritize getting these legal documents in place:

Durable power of attorney allows a designated person to make decisions when your parent can no longer do so. Advance directives outline wishes for future medical care. A will or trust specifies how assets should be distributed.

Review and organize financial resources, including insurance policies, income sources, and potential benefits.

An elder law attorney specializing in dementia-related planning can provide invaluable guidance on protecting assets while ensuring care needs are met. Many offer initial consultations at reasonable rates to outline options.

Find Support for Yourself

Caring for a parent with dementia can be physically and emotionally demanding.

You can join a support group specifically for adult children of parents with dementia. These groups provide emotional support and practical advice from others who truly understand. The Alzheimer's Association offers both in-person and online options.

Schedule regular respite care so you can recharge. Options include in-home help, adult day centers, or short-term residential stays. Using respite isn't selfish—it's essential for sustainable caregiving.

Learn about help from community resources like Area Agencies on Aging, which can connect you with local services including meal delivery, transportation, and caregiver training.

Plan for Future Care Needs

Dementia is progressive, meaning care needs will increase over time. Planning prevents crisis-driven decisions and helps honor your parents' wishes.

Have conversations about preferences for future care while your parent can still express them. Research care options before they're needed, including in-home care services, adult day programs, assisted living facilities, and memory care communities.

Understand what Medicare does and doesn't cover. While Medicare pays for some short-term skilled nursing and limited home health services, it doesn't cover long-term custodial care—the type most needed with advancing dementia.

If financial resources are limited, learn about Medicaid eligibility requirements in your state, as Medicaid does cover long-term care services for those who qualify.

Build Your Care Team

Managing dementia care requires more than one person. Build a team that might include:

A primary care physician and specialists who understand dementia. Social workers or case managers who can navigate community resources.

Use care coordination tools like shared calendars and caregiving apps to organize responsibilities.

A Health Advocate, such as the ones found at Pinnie, can assist with navigating your family through care situations or even how to obtain advanced dementia care.

Bottom Line

A dementia diagnosis brings significant challenges, but taking proactive steps can make an enormous difference in the quality of life for both you and your parent.

Remember that your parent is still the same person, even as their abilities change. Focus on maintaining connection and finding joy in moments together rather than dwelling on losses.

Each person's journey with dementia is unique. Be flexible in your approach and adjust strategies as needs change. By educating yourself, building support systems, and planning proactively, you can navigate this journey with greater confidence while honoring your parents' dignity.